[makes sense! she just never asked him why he has a sword named himself that he calls him, she just accepted that as a personality quirk. there were a couple moments in our threads where i was like. you know what? she doesn't know this lore but i don't think she'd question it enough to ask.]
Why were you worried?
[she couldn't tell, from the memory, what the reason was for the concern, exactly, other than his dismay at the two brothers. but she does understand the feeling - of having a person you care for so much that you can't bear to see them harmed.]
iwatooshi stares at her for a moment, hesitating again, before taking a deep breath and turning away. not to hide, necessarily, but he takes a few restless steps, as if that will help him find the way to explain. ]
Higekiri-sama and Hizamaru-sama are said to be the priceless treasures of the Genji - one of whom was Imanotsurugi's former master, Minamoto no Yoshitsune. My own former master was Yoshitsune-kou's retainer. I had heard of them before, but in all of our years serving them, Imanotsurugi and I had never met those two, not even once. I didn't think much of it, until after my first mission when we were sent to the time when our former masters were meant to die.
They weren't on that first mission with us, so I wasn't thinking about it like that at the time. The Genji did have swords with them, tachis just like those two that I didn't recognize, but given the circumstances, I wasn't sure of anything yet. By the time we had arrived, Yoshitsune-kou had already accepted a power he shouldn't have from our enemies, and it changed both him and his sword. I noticed something else, though, while we were there - something about my own master.
[ he glances back at laudna briefly, before his gaze drops to the weapon in his hand. ]
He was wielding a naginata, one I didn't recognize. It should have been me.
I had suspicions, but I decided to ignore them until I couldn't avoid it any longer, when Higekiri-sama and Hizamaru-sama's were summoned to our citadel. Their appearance, their stories, and myself missing despite my memories of being there at my master's side through everything, made me realize that... [ he pauses to take a deep breath, steadying himself. even now, it's still difficult to face. ] ...That we may not have existed in the true line of history, Imanotsurugi and I. And Imanonotsurugi had no idea, so I wanted to protect him. He loved Yoshitsune-kou so much, and the last thing I wanted was for him to be hurt again.
[so they aren't necessarily real, and he didn't want his partner to know that. it's a hard concept to get your head around, but she's had enough uncertainty over what's real and what isn't that she thinks she understands.]
Strange, isn't it? [ with a wry smile. it's all very confusing, very overwhelming. ] It's a little hard for me to understand, if I try to think about too long. My memories haven't changed. I still remember every moment by my master's side, and the stories where he wields me are still known in our country.
That may be all I am - a story, part of my master's legend. I don't know how my current master was able to summon me if that's true, but whether the history I remember is real or not, I'm here now. That's what matters.
[ probably. that's what he told imanotsurugi, anyway, so maybe he shouldn't think about it too hard, either. ]
I believe that Musashibou Benkei was a good person. Selfish, in some ways, but no less dedicated to his lord. He would have done anything for Yoshitsune-kou, as I would have for him, or my current master. That is the reason his legend has remained alive for hundreds of years.
As hard as it is to realize the falsity of those memories, doesn't it speak well of you that you became part of his legend? You were suited for it, and the world deemed you worthy of him. If anything, it might be just as painful to have been there, but to have been forgotten and left behind.
[ he stares at her in stunned silence for a long moment, unsure of what to say. to be lost to time, completely forgotten... it isn't as if he hasn't met others who fit the bill. if tomoegata is to be believed, even the enemy struggles with things like that.
but to say that he's suited to be a legend? that he's worthy of it, when that's all he is?
...it brings a smile to his face, eventually, shaky but no less genuine. ]
You're right. Even if I am just a story, I was treasured enough to be remembered, even now. [ iwatooshi holds his head a little higher, a wet shine to his eyes. ] Thank you, Laudna-dono, for reminding me of that.
[ the whiplash of gratitude and the memory stun him into silence at first. to think that even laudna has struggled with her existence like this... and from that voice in her head, this delilah? this "mentor" treats her like a tool, and that doesn't sit well with him, either.
there's a lot to sort out, but eventually, iwatooshi meets her eyes again, solemn. ]
I'm sorry, Laudna-dono, that you've been questioning yourself like this. It isn't an easy thing, is it? Finding what's real and what isn't...
[ he doesn't blame her for being angry at fresh cut grass for what he'd said to her. even if it wasn't his fault somehow - iwatooshi doesn't fully understand the situation, with what little he's seen - the damage was still done. ]
[it's a little problematic that she completely lost control on him for saying it, though. that memory feels so strange to see again now. she tugs on her hair, uncomfortable.]
...It's not. I know who I once was, but... I think all this time has changed me into someone else.
Something to do with your mentor cutting you off...?
[ he's still not convinced that that's deliberate on delilah's part given the power of this village, but from what little iwatooshi's seen of her, spite doesn't seem too far out of character. ]
...You don't have to explain, if you don't want to. I only think you deserve to find the answers you're looking for, and I'd like to help, if it's possible.
I had started to feel like I wanted to wield her, the way my friends wield dark powers and weapons. But being here, without her... I don't know. I'm unsettled by her absence. But it's so much easier to get along.
You've gotten used to her being there for you, right? It must be strange to lose that, after so long.
[ makes sense it'd feel weird with her gone, when delilah had quite literally changed the course of her life, and afterlife. but now she isn't here to whisper such poisonous things in laudna's ears, either. ]
It sounds to me like you're... happier, I think, to be free to make your own choices without her influence. [ not that this is the happiest situation to be in, but. ] You did look distressed when you heard her again last week. But there's nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what feels right to you, Laudna-dono. Things like that, matters of the heart and figuring out what's best for you or for others... it's difficult, but I believe that you'll find the answers.
[she looks thoughtful and touched by this - he seems to understand even though this isn't something most people find easy to understand and gives her some consideration.]
[ as much as he'd like to reassure laudna that her memories are real, just as his are, it's hard to do when she's clearly questioning so much. it sounds terribly confusing, and frustrating.
but he bows his head. ]
Of course. I only wish you the best of luck in finding what you need. [ that much, at least, he can do. ] And I hope they bring you the happiness that you deserve.
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Why were you worried?
[she couldn't tell, from the memory, what the reason was for the concern, exactly, other than his dismay at the two brothers. but she does understand the feeling - of having a person you care for so much that you can't bear to see them harmed.]
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iwatooshi stares at her for a moment, hesitating again, before taking a deep breath and turning away. not to hide, necessarily, but he takes a few restless steps, as if that will help him find the way to explain. ]
Higekiri-sama and Hizamaru-sama are said to be the priceless treasures of the Genji - one of whom was Imanotsurugi's former master, Minamoto no Yoshitsune. My own former master was Yoshitsune-kou's retainer. I had heard of them before, but in all of our years serving them, Imanotsurugi and I had never met those two, not even once. I didn't think much of it, until after my first mission when we were sent to the time when our former masters were meant to die.
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And after the mission, you realized you hadn't met them, even though you would have expected them to be there?
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They weren't on that first mission with us, so I wasn't thinking about it like that at the time. The Genji did have swords with them, tachis just like those two that I didn't recognize, but given the circumstances, I wasn't sure of anything yet. By the time we had arrived, Yoshitsune-kou had already accepted a power he shouldn't have from our enemies, and it changed both him and his sword. I noticed something else, though, while we were there - something about my own master.
[ he glances back at laudna briefly, before his gaze drops to the weapon in his hand. ]
He was wielding a naginata, one I didn't recognize. It should have been me.
I had suspicions, but I decided to ignore them until I couldn't avoid it any longer, when Higekiri-sama and Hizamaru-sama's were summoned to our citadel. Their appearance, their stories, and myself missing despite my memories of being there at my master's side through everything, made me realize that... [ he pauses to take a deep breath, steadying himself. even now, it's still difficult to face. ] ...That we may not have existed in the true line of history, Imanotsurugi and I. And Imanonotsurugi had no idea, so I wanted to protect him. He loved Yoshitsune-kou so much, and the last thing I wanted was for him to be hurt again.
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[so they aren't necessarily real, and he didn't want his partner to know that. it's a hard concept to get your head around, but she's had enough uncertainty over what's real and what isn't that she thinks she understands.]
How can that be true? If you remember it...
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That may be all I am - a story, part of my master's legend. I don't know how my current master was able to summon me if that's true, but whether the history I remember is real or not, I'm here now. That's what matters.
[ probably. that's what he told imanotsurugi, anyway, so maybe he shouldn't think about it too hard, either. ]
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[she's curious, he speaks of him as though he is.]
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but to say that he's suited to be a legend? that he's worthy of it, when that's all he is?
...it brings a smile to his face, eventually, shaky but no less genuine. ]
You're right. Even if I am just a story, I was treasured enough to be remembered, even now. [ iwatooshi holds his head a little higher, a wet shine to his eyes. ] Thank you, Laudna-dono, for reminding me of that.
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You're welcome.
[she didn't expect what she said to matter to him so much. she's just used to feeling left behind herself. also, have a memory]
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there's a lot to sort out, but eventually, iwatooshi meets her eyes again, solemn. ]
I'm sorry, Laudna-dono, that you've been questioning yourself like this. It isn't an easy thing, is it? Finding what's real and what isn't...
[ he doesn't blame her for being angry at fresh cut grass for what he'd said to her. even if it wasn't his fault somehow - iwatooshi doesn't fully understand the situation, with what little he's seen - the damage was still done. ]
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...It's not. I know who I once was, but... I think all this time has changed me into someone else.
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Time does that to everyone and everything. [ ... ] Have you found your answers?
[ was she alive, was a tool for delilah... how laudna acted last week is still fresh in his mind. ]
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[certainly not.]
Since coming here, I've been even more uncertain.
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[ he's still not convinced that that's deliberate on delilah's part given the power of this village, but from what little iwatooshi's seen of her, spite doesn't seem too far out of character. ]
...You don't have to explain, if you don't want to. I only think you deserve to find the answers you're looking for, and I'd like to help, if it's possible.
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[she doesn't mind explaining.]
I had started to feel like I wanted to wield her, the way my friends wield dark powers and weapons. But being here, without her... I don't know. I'm unsettled by her absence. But it's so much easier to get along.
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[ makes sense it'd feel weird with her gone, when delilah had quite literally changed the course of her life, and afterlife. but now she isn't here to whisper such poisonous things in laudna's ears, either. ]
It sounds to me like you're... happier, I think, to be free to make your own choices without her influence. [ not that this is the happiest situation to be in, but. ] You did look distressed when you heard her again last week. But there's nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what feels right to you, Laudna-dono. Things like that, matters of the heart and figuring out what's best for you or for others... it's difficult, but I believe that you'll find the answers.
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...Thank you, Iwatooshi-dono.
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but he bows his head. ]
Of course. I only wish you the best of luck in finding what you need. [ that much, at least, he can do. ] And I hope they bring you the happiness that you deserve.